noozdawg's carblog

A novel idea.

So GM's hit on a hot new strategy to get people to buy its cars: Charge less for them.

The General's making a big splash on TV now with its new pricing strategy, which involves cutting an average 1,300 bones off the MSRP of its products. The theory here is that if the prices are better, they won't have to put thousands of dollars in cash on the hood to sell cars. That means better profits (desperately needed) and higher residual value.

It's a terrific strategy, except for one problem: The past 30 years.

Ever since Joe Garagiola first popped up on our XL-100s in the 70s, screaming "Buy a car, get a check," the Big 3 have created a climate in which rebates are the rule, rather than the exception. This climate became even more intense and desperate after the September 11th attacks, when GM decided to throw billions of dollars at us to keep car sales from going into the dumper.

The new pricing strategy is a big step for General Motors ... but the other big part is product. Never mind that the Impala is GM's top selling car; who do you know who drives one that's not a cop or a cab driver? There's certainly a glimmer of hope there, thanks to the Solstice, HHR, and the new Tahoe ... but if the next-gen family sedans don't pop, watch the rebates come flooding back.

Oh, by the way: Check out what someone with lots of free time did with the Camaro concept. THIS is what Pontiac should be selling instead of the GTO.

Hand me a broom.

So Honda defied my prediction and swept the North American Car Of The Year balloting, with the Civic and Ridgeline both winning top honors.

I thought for sure that the Solstice, being an exuberant expression of GM's new ethos under the guidance of Bob Lutz, My Hero, would get the win. I figured that the fundamental shock of "The General" spitting out a smallish, lightish, two-place roadster would overwhelm the American and Canadian judges, and cause them to overlook the seismic shift represented by the Civic, which is even now clogging the streets, parking spaces, and Starbucks loading zones of my town.

I was wrong. But I guessed right on the Ridgeline. So that's something, right? Maybe now I'll get a ballot.

They shoot ponies, don't they?

By now, everyone's probably seen the Dodge Challenger and Chevrolet Camaro concepts, rolled out at the North American International Auto Show in Detroit. They're both three-dimensional ways of saying, "Yeah, we totally screwed up when we ceded the two-door sporty coupe market to the Mustang, and it doesn't help that the Mustang mightily kicks ass."

One of these new old "pony cars" is terrific. The other one, not so much.

It isn't that they're not both well-drawn cars; they are. It isn't that they're not both replete with retro cues, ladled over contemporary running gear; they are. It's just that ... well ... one of them is in the wrong era.

Step forward, Camaro.

The '69 Camaro was not the high-water mark of bowtie pony styling, despite the completely sick X-11 Pace Car in white and Hugger Orange. Truth be told, the '69 looked a little dated next to the slicked-back Mustang and the futuristic Charger of the time.

No, the one to clone is -- wait for it -- the '70 1/2. All organic curves and open-mouth menace, the first Gen2 Camaros were great, and really put GM back on a par with the new Challenger/'Cudas and the slowly-fattening Mustang. Of course, a body that's too clean is tough to make over as a "new retro," so the '69 it is.

Dodge's Challenger, on the other hand, is perfect. The unpainted carbon-fiber "stripes" on the hood are absolutely brilliant, and the interior, with its reimagined "Tuff" steering wheel is a thing of beauty. DCX hits these out of the park every time. If that's the car they build, I might find myself in line at a Dodge dealer.

GM's, while a quality effort, does seem the slightest bit forced, as if they begrudgingly realized they had to do something to avoid being paved over by the pony renaissance of the late aughts.

Maybe part of it is that they picked the wrong car completely. If they'd asked me, I'd have told them to re-do the '77 Trans Am ... gold chicken, Bandit stripes and all. Now, THAT was a car.

G-L-O-R-I-A ... Gloooooooria!

Greetings from San Diego, where I'm racking up some last-minute frequent flyer miles, and visiting with (among other people) our old friend Swimmerpup. Thanks to its location virtually on the border with Mexico and its proximity to the Asian-flavored car culture of Los Angeles, San Diego's streets are dotted with an unique (for the US) melange of iron not usually seen in the Rust Belt. Consider:

>The Chevrolet Corsa. Saw this on the street in Hillcrest while wandering up University Avenue. It's a Geo Metro-sized hatchback whch is derived from the Euro-market Opel/Vauxhall Corsa, and built in Mexico and Brazil. (Click here for an amusing dissertation on the practice; the sub-title, "The Accidental World Car," is hilarious)

>The Nissan Gloria. Parked on the street in front of a Starbucks, in all its RHD glory. The Gloria and its identical twin the Cedric were Nissan's luxury/sport sedan mainstays for decades. (Here's what it looked like, by the way) We saw the previous-generation Cedric/Gloria here as the Infiniti M45 (here's what happened when Motor Trend put one up against a Lincoln LS). Cedric/Gloria is gone now, replaced by the bigger and considerably better looking Fuga/M45.

Had I been faster with the cameraphone, I might have been able to share those with you. Must get a little better on the draw.

By the way, the Pup, who I lionizeed here once for buying a bajillion cars in his short lifetime, has forsaken four-wheeled transport completely. He rides a Vespa now. (head in hands)

Car Of The Year: Noozdawg's Picks

Once again, the top American auto journalists have selected their finalists for the North American Car and Truck Of The Year. Once again, my ballot was lost in the mail. So instead, I'll run down the finalists, and try to handicap the races.

Car Of The Year Finalists:

Ford Fusion. It's the best looking Ford since the new Mustang, and comes in at a great price point. I'd buy one instead of an Accord or a Camry ... but it's still a warmed-over Mazda6. Noozdawg's guess: Nope.

Honda Civic. The most original design on offer this year. The sedans and sharp coupes are already clogging my neighborhood. But a good Honda Civic isn't exactly unexpected. Noozdawg's guess: Maybe, but probably not.

Pontiac Solstice. So pretty, such a good drive, such a great price. One of the few concept cars that's made it to production virtually unchanged. The exciting future of GM, provided it has a future. Noozdawg's guess: Make room for the trophy, Bob: it's yours.

Truck Of The Year Finalists:

Ford Explorer. I love Explorers, and the '06 may be the nicest one ever. Sharp interior, great new engines, and a freshened look. But it's not new enough. Noozdawg's guess: Another third-place finish for Ford.

Nissan Xterra. Nissan's extreme-sports SUV works great, looks tough, and is better than ever. It's also a massive deal. Noozdawg's guess: Any other year, this'd be the winner.

Honda Ridgeline.  If the Ridgeline JUST had a locking trunk under its bed, it'd be a tough contender in this segment. The fact that it does so many other things well makes it a lead-pipe cinch. I still think it's ugly, but that doesn't seem to matter. Noozdawg's guess: No more calls, folks, we have a winner.

He likes me! He really, really likes me!

When the American Family Association announced that its boycott threat against Ford resulted in the automaker pulling its Jaguar and Land Rover ads from LGBT media, I called a friend who advises companies on crisis PR matters. I was hoping to get some insight about how companies deal with threats from advocacy groups.

As we talked, he reminded me about Microsoft's controversy from the spring, in which it withdrew its support from an anti-workplace discrimination proposal in the Washington state legislature. The decision appeared to coincide with a threatened boycott from some two-bit Seattle minister. After a short time, Microsoft came out with a strong statement in favor of such legislation in the future.

"It took Microsoft two or three weeks to figure out how much it screwed up, and I imagine it'll take Ford about the same time to fix this," said my friend.

He was right.

Word's now come from Dearborn that Ford will actually expand its Jag and Land Rover advertising in LGBT media, and that it will for the first time advertise Ford, Mercury and Lincoln brands in LGBT media.

This whole controversy is a classic example of why companies engage zealots -- on any side of an issue -- at their peril. It's why governments don't negotiate with terrorists. (To be clear: I'm not equating the AFA with terrorists. At all.) To engage them is to give them legitimacy, and leverage. And in the Ford case, it created a problem the automaker could ill afford, especially on the eve of announcing thousands of job cuts and several plant closings.

So ... yeah. Bill Ford likes me after all. It turns out he also likes a lot of people like me ... people who buy the company's cars and trucks, and people who build them.

Before I go, a quick note about Mike Moran. He's the Ford spokesman who on December 2nd told Advocate.com that the company had no issue with the AFA statement that reported Ford's advertising decision. In the days that followed, the company backpedaled furiously, attributing the ad cuts to a "business decision," and insisting there was no relationship between the AFA meeting and the ad cuts.

Mike. Dude. I don't know you, but I'd suggest you update your resume.

Why doesn't Bill Ford like me?

I honestly don't understand it. When Bill Ford Jr. decided to take over as the chairman of the Ford Motor Company, I was happy for him. When I saw him leave the Glass House to meet with families whose loved ones were killed or hurt in a big explosion at the Rouge complex, I was impressed. When I heard that he drove an electric Ford Ranger pickup to work every day, I was pleasantly surprised. And when I heard that if he could have just one car, it would be a Mustang GT, I nodded in acknowledgement. I'm with you, Bill.

So now, I hear that two of the cornerstones of Ford's Premier Automotive Group, Jaguar and Land Rover, will no longer advertise in LGBT media. The folks at Advocate.com report that this decision appears to be related to a threatened boycott by the American Family Association. Seems the AFA isn't happy that Ford contributes to LGBT-friendly causes.

Word from the inside -- I'll call my source Deep Throttle -- suggests this started when some Red State-dealers decided to open a dialogue with the AFA. It then went up to the highest levels of the Ford organization to be greenlit, violating the first rule of boycott management, which is: Don't engage the boycotters.

Before going too nuts, let's consider: Ford's in big trouble. Cars aren't selling the way the company had hoped (save the Mustang and Fusion), plants will be closed, and thousands of people will be losing their jobs. Anything that could cause a problem for sales would understandably cause nervousness in Dearborn, especially when coupled with a topic that makes a lot of people nervous by itself.

But Bill Ford's a principled guy, I said to myself, a decent guy. He drives an electric truck to work, for hell's sake. Surely he'd see the folly of caving to self-righteousness ... right? Then, it hit me.

He has no idea.

Just like Bill Gates didn't realize that Microsoft had suddenly pulled its support for equal-workplace legislation in Washington state (a decision it reversed about a month later), I'd bet a two-year lease on a Freestyle that Bill had no idea this was going on. And I bet when he does, he'll realize what a blunder it was, and what an insult it is, not only to Ford's GLOBE LGBT employee group, but to the legions of LGBT shoppers who have bought Jags and Land Rovers, Fords and Lincolns.

In my office hangs a massive poster of the Ford GT, and pictures of my favorite sedan ever, the previous-generation Jag XJR. As constant readers know, I rent exclusively Hertz -- and pretty much only Mustangs. I have great memories of the '84 Escort that took the boys of St. Elmo's to Colorado, and the Mountaineer that helped move me to my current home. I'm not ready to bag Ford yet, because I have faith in Bill Ford. I hope my faith's not misplaced.

So much ground to cover ...

Yes, it's been too long. I have no excuse for my protracted absence ... but now that some responsibilities have been fulfilled, here I am. So many things to talk about ... let's get moving!

You pay what we pay. Turns out it was a crashing failure at the end of the summer ... sales were double-digitly off for GM, Ford and Chrysler Group in September, because they pulled their sales forward by launching the "employee discount" programs in June. All the carmakers promise lower prices and more features, and not rebates, will drive people into the '06s, but honestly -- didn't almost everyone who wanted a new car buy one? Along the way, Nissan, Honda and Toyota had big sales this summer -- with small cars. Hey, there's a thought.

I don't hate the HHR. And I thought for sure I would ... it seemed so Chevy-come-lately, even designed by the same damned guy who did the PT. But it works. And for the price, it's a great deal.

Buy a Hyundai Sonata. No, I'm not even kidding. It isn't outrageously styled, it's not super-fast, and it's not a hybrid. It's just the best imitation Accord I've ever seen, for several thousand fewer dollars. If GM had built THAT as its Malibu 10 years ago, it would have so many fewer problems right now.

Don't want a Sonata? Buy a Ford Fusion. Because really, it's a Mazda6 under the hood, only it's about 20 times better looking.

The Pontiac Solstice looks cool ... but kind of bulbous. I mean, it LOOKS like a heavy car, doesn't it? Obviously, GM's done something right, since the entire 2006 run is sold out, but still.

Drove the Mustang convertible. It's just as good as the hardtop, with a lower SPF. I was accosted in a parking lot in downtown Detroit while behind the wheel, by a passerby who thought it looked amazing. He was right.

I keep forgetting my headset. In my town, it's now illegal to drive while talking on a handheld cellphone. The BF repped a headset maker, so we have a wired headset in the Pathfinder. I also own a Bluetooth headset for my phone ... but it's always in the wrong briefcase, and I can't figure out which way the earpiece goes on the wired one. So my solution has been to either use the "speakerphone" setting, or just to not use the phone at all. I'm sure my provider is thrilled. Now, if only our city's cops would enforce the damned rule.

Katrina and the cars. Gotta hand it to Carfax's PR people, who got the word out almost immediately about flooded cars from the Gulf Coast making their way to unscrupulous car dealers up North. It's apparently a big problem. I have no independent knowledge, but here's a tip: If the car seems to have a lot of mud in the trunk, just say "no."

Ever seen one of your cars ... after you got rid of it? I've had that experience a couple of times -- both involving my dad. Our ex-Acura 3.2TL lives with him now, and he's proving an excellent custodian. When last I saw him and it, the car had just had the hell detailed right out of it. Looked better than the day we brought it home. It was weird. I love the Pathfinder, 12mpg and all, but that TL is a great car.

Before I go ... So NOW the President's asking us to conserve gas? The Halliburton/Big Oil administration that quaintly called conservation "a personal virtue" has now decided to ask us to conserve? It's amazing what the threat of $4 a gallon gas can do to a person. Mr. President, I've already stopped driving to work. Maybe if you'd like to downsize your motorcade and cut back on the trips on AF1, I could be persuaded that you're for real on this, and not just trying to save your hurricane-battered butt.

Next time: Who knows? We'll find out together.

v17.5: Cheap & Cheerful

The average price of a new car in the US is a bit north of $28,000. It's a lot of money, and prices like that often force people who want a new car to go into debt for five or six years, and be backwards on a loan for most of its life.

But what if I could show you a brand new car, built by one of the world's premier carmakers, with air bags and anti-lock brakes, plus an enormous trunk, all for HALF the price of its competitors?

Well, here it is. It's the Logan, originally built by France's Renault for "emerging" markets in Europe, Africa and West Asia, but now the subject of a huge clamor in western Europe. It's also making news in this country, including a recent article in BusinessWeek.

A bit of backstory: Renault, which you'll recall owns Nissan, took over the Romanian carmaker Dacia, and equipped it to build a small four-door sedan based on Nissan's Micra supercompact. The car was carefully and deliberately designed to be built efficiently and for less money. For instance, the dashboard is one piece of plastic, the side mirrors are symmetrical, the side windows are identically shaped front-to-back, and the windshield is flat because curved screens cost more to build. No, it's not really "deluxe," but it's basic transportation, right?

The thing is largely screwed together with robots ... and what humans ARE in the plant are Romanian, and therefore will work for less money than their counterparts in France, Germany or the UK. All in all, Renault figures it can sell a base Logan in "emerging" markets for E5,000. Throw a passenger-side air bag and some other frippery on it for the western Europeans who have extended the waiting list for a new one to November, and the price becomes about E7,650. That corresponds to US$9,300.

So, you're thinking, what's the big deal? Well, just that it's half the cost of Euro-spec cars like the Ford Focus and the VW Golf. Experts point to the production cost per unit at less than US$1,100 per car. And budget-conscious Europeans can't get enough of it. As a result, Renault's adding production at similar lower-wage facilities in Russia, Morocco and Colombia. It expects to sell a million Logans a year in just five years. And it'll make money on each one.

Now, if Malcolm Bricklin gets sick of dealing with the Chinese, maybe he should think about bringing Logans into the US.

Before I go ... Ford confirmed today that the new-look Mustang is "sold out" for 2005. If you want to have one your way, you'll be encouraged to order an '06. Apparently, everyone's clamoring for the GT ... but there are plenty of V6s available. Trust me: get one.

Next time: Look, Ma, no hands!

v17.4: Crash Test Dummies

Brian O'Neill deals in car porn.

He's the guy you see with Lea Thompson on "Dateline NBC," explaining the latest crash test results from his employer, the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety. With his clipped Irish brogue, he sounds so knowledgeable as he explains crumple zones and injury indices while walking around cars that only recently were slammed into massive barriers. But really, he is to cars what Larry Flynt is to 18-year old blond farm girls from Iowa.

Brian O'Neill and his friends at the IIHS exploit our fears of car crashes and the car-shopping process by showing us unrealistic accident scenarios, played out in well-lit studio-quality labs, filmed in regular and slow-motion, conducted under conditions more stringent than the Federal government's own crash tests. Remember that the IIHS is paid for by the nation's insurance agents, who apparently want us all buying big Crown Vics or something.

One of the most laughable IIHS test scenarios was just shown last week, when Brian smashed up eight perfectly good large cars, including the Ford Five Hundred and the Acura RL. Viewers at the venue where I was playing cards last Sunday were held in rapt attention as all eight of the cars were given the IIHS' best rating: "Good." So what's the point, you're thinking? Well, it turns out that one of the eight -- the Kia Amanti -- just missed getting the IIHS' "Best Pick" rating. Something about a "possible" leg injury. As I'm watching this virtually useless report, I overhear one of the other people watching this Very Special Episode of "Dateline" say, "Oh, and I almost bought one of those. Wow, I'm glad I didn't."

Hello? The Amanti STILL got a "Good" rating ... and it's among the most reasonably-priced cars tested in this group. However, that rascal Brian O'Neill and those enablers at NBC News managed to distort the reality enough to make the Amanti look like a deathtrap.

The bottom line: Check the "star" rating from NHTSA, so that you're comparing apples with apples. Remember that all cars today are a great deal safer than they were just a few years ago. And remember that passive safety is only part of the picture ... and that anti-lock brakes, stability control and good visibility is as important as air bag count in determining the total safety picture.

And let Brian O'Neill hustle his smut to someone else.

Before I go ... Since we're talking about crash tests, I have to give ups to Toyota for their Sienna crash test commercial. You've seen it; the one in which two eight-year olds watch a lab-coated engineer run a succession of minivans into a barrier. My favorite passage:

Kid with big Afro: "Do the gold one."

Engineer, slightly annoyed: "It's called Desert Sand Mica."

Kid: "Whatever, just crash it."

Next time: The future of American cars. Brought to you by Renault.